A Playlist (from 2018)

I guess this story took place one night in Bangkok. We were sitting in Geronimo’s Cadillac while radio Ga Ga was playing my favorite song, Alphavilles Forever Young in the background. Both working on our crochet projects we were all hooked on a feeling. Or perhaps it was altogether some other year, some other decade, other songs this story was about. Maybe our fast car was parked somewhere on the streets of Philadelphia. I personally would prefer to be in California, dreaming, and preferably together with a few hot beach boys than mamas and papas. Or perhaps even better, how lovely it would be to sip my tea with a stylish Englishman in New York. There are all these sweet dreams and stories about other people, other life destinies, we can disappear into for a couple of minutes.

So, let's dance in style, let's dance for a while...

I was crocheting my diamonds in blue (da ba dee) as always, while you chose something more classic, perhaps a scarf or a blanket. In your skilled hands it turned into a piece of art, as stunning as purple rain. In the quiet sound of our crochet hooks working their way forward stitch by stitch, the rhythm of the night, I asked you the biggest question of them all: "What is love?" since nothing else matters in the end. And you answered: “Don’t speak, I am just counting my stitches." So, we sat for a while listening to the sound of silence.

I remember it like yesterday when you finally broke the silence and started speaking.

“You know, there are always those who take your breath away, the ones with their perfectly curly brown hair and intensive eyes singing: “You’re my heart, you’re my soul." And the ones killing you softly with their sexy voice whispering to your ear: “You are my first my last my everything." Or the ones, who without notice pop outside your house knocking on heaven’s door looking for some human touch. There are all these one-hit wonders singing I just died in your arms tonight, even those who while sleeping in your bed ask you to be their alarm clock and wake them up before you go-go. Needless to say, when heading off to work the following morning you leave a classic like "Hit the Road Jack" playing on your record player. There are these lyrics which last for 7 seconds, the songs which only make you wonder what's love got to do with it. And then there are songs which teach you self-worth, the difficult ones about one-sided love when your love and your way of expressing, love language, is not answered to, and you only end up asking yourself: "How deep is your love." There are certainly also moments in your life when you get too fond of a certain song like "Still Loving You", even though you know that it’s no good to try to push the replay-button anymore, to push the feeling on again. The whole relationship becomes only poison for you both, leading to insomnia and rolling in the deep, too deep. Sometimes it is just difficult to move on, and stay stucked in a dream you had about a life together. So you hold on to those high hopes. I have learned that eventually, my heart will go on, unless the next songs on the playlist are, Please Forgive Me and Still Loving You. What can you say or sing, life is life perhaps, and the logic of the playlist so often beyond our comprehension, beyond our power. I have often wondered how it really is true that sorry seems to be the hardest word. And then you may end up in a situation where you have to choose if you want to start building a bridge over troubled water. You have to choose between with or without you.”

Quitely I whispered: “Oh, U2 my friend. I’m a believer, so I once tried to build the whole bridge by myself and had to book a room at Heartbreak Hotel for recovery and dance it all away singing loudly "I Will Survive" and "With a Little Help from My Friends". Then I luckily remembered to look outside from the hotel window and saw that it’s raining men, hallelujah. So, I went out and started singing in the rain: Man! I feel like a woman.”

You nodded quietly and looked thoughtful for a couple of seconds as if you were looking for the right key before you answered: "Perhaps the heart asks pleasure first."

Here we had to pause the audio cassette tape for a while, to fast forward it in time, and look for some true colors in our respective yarn baskets. And how I there and then noticed the error I had made ten rows earlier and the diamond pattern was broken. Oops, I did it again I thought while ripping off the rows back to my mistake to make a new start. I suddenly felt a gentle wind of change on my cheeks right there, in the heat of the night. Another brick in the wall inside was collapsing. After a while, with a gorgeous hand-dyed Caribbean blue alpaca yarn in your hands, you continued with a softer voice than before.

“You know, I’ve never been fond of songs like "I Need a Hero", but one night a long time ago, I went out together with a few friends shortly after breaking up with a long-time boyfriend. Suddenly the DJ started playing our song "Unchained Melody", and I remembered how I, inspired by the film Ghost, even went for a pottery class and bought a potter’s wheel so that we could repeat the famous film scene at home. I believed in the lyrics of "Woman In Love" back then. The cups we made together never held water, nor did our relationship last. We only ended up fighting and throwing clay at each other. So, there I was cryin’ at the discotheque thinking about that Mr. Vain when a man approached me and asked: “Let’s dance." I was eager to get rid of him as quickly as possible and just answered bluntly: "I don’t feel like dancing." Luckily, he was persistent and asked me for my name. I wasn't sure what kind of a smooth operator I had the pleasure to meet, so I introduced myself as Maria Magdalena. He answered all casually: “You can call me Al." Somehow, I ended up telling him the whole story about the pottery episode and my broken relationship. He found it hilarious of course and said: Honey when a man loves a woman, he is only pleased of all your effort. He understood that my wounds needed time to heal. You can’t hurry love, so he left me with my friends and gave me a little note on a piece of paper: Some are like water, some are like the heat, some are a melody, and some are the beat. PS. You look wonderful tonight, the lady in red – and don’t lose my number. And that is what I did of course, lost that piece of paper, but after some time, we met by accident in a nearby cafe. After the normal land of confusion we started to find lyrics we both like. He helped me get wind beneath my wings again and made me believe in the power of love once again. And then, not so long after, in the middle of one manic Monday Al called, and sang to my ear: “Hello” following “I just called to say I love you." "Dance me to the end of love", was what I managed to whisper back to him. So, there and then I knew I was starting to get the lyrics and the songs right on my personal playlist. He understands the shape of my heart and makes me calm. It is the kind of love where you just say: "I surrender" and leave your ego and judgment behind. Neither one of us is the kind of dream lover we used to dream about when we were young. Yet, I know that Al will stand by me, he will be sailing right behind me and like a bridge over troubled water, he will ease my mind when necessary. I hope you are lucky to find someone you keep on choosing each morning and he/she/they chooses you, time after time. Then you start creating a playlist together, decide on such things as money, money, money and make your sweet home in Alabama or let the country roads take you home back to West Virginia. You learn together what ordinary love is. I've noticed that there are many songs about falling in love and heartbreak, but not that many songs about the love behind the glorious mess of everyday life. Perhaps it is so because creativity and therefore making music often flourishes during our difficult times. And the same happens in opposite situations when we fall in love and become more courageous to express our emotions in a personal way. Creativity is vital. So, perhaps everyday life calls us all to compose our own song together with the people we love and live with, to find our beautiful notes together and a melody that pleases us all."

"For many of us, the song "Children" may be on the top of the playlist for a long time. There were many evenings Al and I sang lullabies to an anxious child. And late in the evening we tried to blow 99 luftballons together for our kids Birthday party the following day. Lately, we have been googling relaxing music when the lyrics like mama and papa don’t preach have been sung and rapped directly into our ears and when smells like teen spirit has been oozing from behind a closed door at the highest volume. In the end, you just hope that you manage to show how much you care and calm down your anxiousness with "Dont Worry, Be Happy". And now listen to me carefully, there is a difference between the verbs caring and worrying, between showing either your love and trust instead of your fears towards your loved ones. And the emotions you show to your children, the words you use often become their inner voice. Remember that, if you love somebody, set them free in all your relationships. And despite all those busy years keep songs like "You Look Wonderful Tonight" and "Bed of Roses" on your playlist together with your partner, just be silly together and walk like an Egyptian. In the middle of the long and dark Finnish winter sing Kokomo together with the car radio and give each other your tropical contact eye. Find out what it is that makes you both laugh, what kind of things keep your connection alive. And whatever life may bring, try to keep your heart young. Mr Frank Sinatra knew what he sang about. Gain experience, but don’t let your heart age. That is essential for stayin´ alive.”

"And you know, nowadays Al is much better at making pottery than I am. He bought a kiln too. After we had filled our cupboards with tableware, we started selling them under the best label name two fuddy-duddies like us could come up with. That is how we ended up starting a company called "Every time We Touch," you added with a twinkle in your eye. It is going quite well, perhaps people notice when there is love and passion behind someone's work. So, my dear crochet friend, just keep on making and creating, keep on crocheting diamonds your way. I wanna hear your heartbeat, Sunday girl."

And somewhere in the background, we could hear:

It's so hard to get old without a cause

I don't want to perish like a fading horse

Youth's like diamonds in the sun,

And diamonds are forever

"Love is clearly more than words, more than any love song can ever explain. Perhaps it is a collection of songs and lyrics, albums, we collect and compose during our wonderful life, some of us together most of the time, some of us a shorter. And when we get old, we can walk down the memory lane and sing them together in Karaoke evenings. Remember, as cheesy as it sounds, love is all around. It is in every breath you take, in every stitch, you make if you choose to see it that way. And the love you pass on through your hands, your words or songs, your example to other people and especially to the coming generations is your musical legacy for living forever and ever. There is also one song I've always kept close to my heart as time goes by. It gives me hope, it makes me smile and keeps my mind “evergreen” no matter what I have going on in my life. It is What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. Remember too, that you meet many shiny happy people during your life, but everybody hurts. Each and one of us have a different love song in our hearts, a different taste for music. I hope we all meet someone who understands our melody, wants to learn our lyrics and to compose a hit song together and to create a playlist over time. I hope we all have love in our hearts and in our lives.”

The night was turning into the morning, blackbirds started singing a new day has come. It was time to let our hooks rest, it was time for the last rows of the lyrics as well. Thank you, my dear crochet friend. I turn to you should I sometimes get lost in the songs and the lyrics again.

So many adventures couldn't happen today

So many songs we forgot to play

So many dreams are swinging out of the blue

We let them come true

Forever young, I want to be forever young

Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever…

***

Further reading: What's the point of music? Ask Peter Gabriel (an article in The Guardian)